​Dr. Lori's Column

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Dance With Me - Critter Cure - Voyagers - Summertime - Spirituality - Quick Fixes - Pyrus - Messes - Lafter - Grandma - Forgiveness - Radiant Learning - Inspirations

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Dance With Me

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We’re all looking for the same thing, really. And our quest is an elaborate dance, set to our own, private tune. Love me… Love me… goes our song.

 

Sometimes we dance to entrance those watching – to captivate them, make them long to sway to our special beat. Sometimes our dance is mystifyingly intricate – and only those that know our rhythm best can step in time. Sometimes the dance is joyous, simple – around the maypole we go, and all are welcome to frolic along.

 

Our life-dances have the grace of the waltz, the drama of  tango, the playfulness of  swing, the freneticism of tap, the abandon of the boogaloo. We can dance to a driving drum beat, to the delighted trill of a flute, the longing of an oboe. Each step, each cord tells a unique story. It tells that we long for love - that we despair of love - that we celebrate in love.

 

Sometimes we perform for huge audiences, sometimes our music aims to tempt but a select group – and sometimes, yes – sometimes our song is played to woo our selves. Sometimes the love we seek is superficial – we need only in that moment to achieve a bit of admiration, and we’re satisfied. Sometimes, we pour all our soul’s passion into our dance – and it’s not good enough. Sometimes, less is more – and our simplest steps are the most beloved.

 

Sometimes our dance is another interpretation of love – it is anger, or sadness, or joy.  Sometimes, we alone can see the beauty of our  dance, and that is enough. Sometimes, all the world embraces that beauty – yet we remain blind to it. Sometimes we are afraid to show others our true dance, for fear they might not join in, and so, tragically, we stop dancing.

 

Each of us has set to music an other-worldly melody – a choreographed symphony of our soul, and it’s the very act of stepping our step, moving to our very private, very special beat that is the creation - and celebration – of our lives.

 

So come. Hear my song.

 

And dance with me.

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CRITTER CURE

 

My kitten, Dinah, keeps trying to leap from the floor to the bathroom sink. Not  standing  a chance hasn’t stopped her from trying – and trying! (Good thing her size’ll increase before her desire wanes!). Dinah knows what she wants. If she wants petting, she simply presses that mushy little body against me, and viola! Done being petted? She just bounces away! No apologies. Dinah just … is. And I adore every fuzzy inch of her.

 

Our passion for pets is a hot topic. People used to be apologetic – or at least highly selective – about sharing pet-related feelings. Today -  there are tv channels, best sellers, and even scientists devoted to our zeal for animals! When the ultra-conservative AMA gave pet ownership a thumbs-up, endorsing  critters as good medicine, all the nay-sayers were done for! We can now be unabashed in our devotion, emancipated- vindicated- and free to buy all the darn cat toys and doggie sweaters we want!

 

Why did it take so long for pet loving to be validated? I have been called defective, shallow, for saying the greatest losses I ever suffered were of my pets. How can people not understand?! Pet-person relationships transcend species specificity. We aren’t human and canine/feline/bird– we are two souls knowing, nurturing, and healing one another. We are of a piece.

 

Recently Puff, my beautiful, beautiful cat who had been born in my hand lay dying in my arms, and I sang him ‘Puff the Magic Kitten’ for the last time. For 14 years Puff had slept with one foot inside my shoe. When I buried him, heart breaking, I gently slid his paw inside the sneaker I’d been wearing moments ago. Forever, he will be Puff-in-the-shoe. Who can judge my grief, diminish the bond we had? No one.

 

Let us remember to never, ever take those souls we’re connected to - whatever species they are- for granted. Relish the miracle that is you and them together – every, every, every chance you get. Don’t wait for the AMA to tell you to love heartily, and passionately, and vulnerably. Just … love.

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VOYAGERS

 

Take a moment and think – what motivates you? What gets you moving in the morning makes you shoot for the stars?

 

Not an easy one, eh? You may think – bah, I never shoot for the stars – but you’d be wrong! Because, you see, sometimes just going on living requires an heroic effort. But there’s more. Have you ever fallen in love? Made a new career choice? Overcome illness? Voted? Helped someone when you didn’t really have the energy?

Our lives are threaded with an ongoing balance of inspiration and achievement, if we take the time to see it.

 

There are times when our motivation is for immediate gratification, and there are circumstances where knowing we’ve taken another step toward a bigger goal is in itself rewarding. Generally, tho, what gets us going is the promise of experiencing a good feeling, is it not? Whether of achievement and pride, or of being desirable, and loved; of having control over your world, or of simply knowing that you ‘done good’? Isn’t that moment when the good feeling sweeps over you deliciously sweet?! There you are, the self-satisfied fatcat that swallowed the canary, reveling in the experience! Well, YAY for you!

 

What do you need, those times when you can’t get motivated? Maybe it’s belief that the good feeling will come, or maybe it’s hope that’s missing. Stuck here? Then I will give you a magic key. Ready? Here goes… The joy comes from the journey. We are renewed by the very act of trying. Let me share with you a piece from my prayer book:

 

‘What bridge spans the vast space we must cross to reach understanding? How small are we who attempt the journey! And yet we find our glory in the brave and endless struggle to comprehend eternal mysteries. We are voyagers in an infinite sea, our destination always beyond the horizon - but we are voyagers.’

 

Sail on, my fellow voyagers. Let us cry a hearty ‘HEYHO!’ when our paths cross – let us steer our ships to new shores - and let us celebrate every nuance of our own unique, special journey.

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IT’S SUMMERTIME, SUMMERTIME, SUM-SUM-SUMMERTIME…

 

Do you remember what the last day of school used to feel like?!  Picture the hours leading up to the last bell ring of the year. Can you hear the antsy shuffle of students feet, the tapping of pencils, the smothered bursts of happy laughter… remember how muggy it was in those rooms, how the teacher tried to sound stern, trying to hide her own excitement? Remember the bittersweet g’byes, signing autograph books and yearbooks… remember what it was like to have that delicious, unformed anticipation?

 

Then there’s the first bite into a boardwalk hotdog… the first time a wave lifts you and you throw your arms up in delight… the first sand in your bathing suit… the first lightening bug in a jar… the first chance encounter with a new friend or flame… the first star you wish upon… the first surprise rain, breaking up a sticky, humid afternoon… Remember the crowd’s roar, the crack of a bat at a baseball game… the enveloping perfume of honeysuckle…  the sweet-musky taste of toasted marshmallow… the smell of Indian summer, as the season begins to shift… Summer was filled with months upon months of secrets and surprises and joy, lazy hot days and titillating nights, new friends, and boundless adventure.

 

What I want to know is, why did things change?! I’m not sold on this ‘being grown up’ thing. We don’t laugh as much, get as excited, or stay as open to wonder as we did as kids, and I MISS it!! Perhaps the patina of novelty has worn off… we are cynical and bored and don’t hold out much hope that magic will happen. Besides – we’re too darn busy to wallow in dreamy expectations - there’s laundry to be done!!

 

We often see aging as loss. But what if this time was devoted to regaining these past treasures?? After all, I don’t think it was the successful completion of summer goals, but rather the sleepy, brilliant journey that held the magic. There’s nothing to keep us from relocating this path! All you have to do is imagine…

and believe…

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SPIRITUALITY 

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‘There’s no such thing as an atheist in a fox hole’. Amusing expression – and one weighty with truth. Equally true is that there’s rarely such thing as an atheist during a major medical emergency or other life trauma. Faith and prayer find their way into our lives when we need them. For some, this is their first and only visitation with spirituality.  For others, the quest for truth or ‘enlightenment’ is part of their daily lives. Doubting is as much a part of that journey as the moments when we are SURE there is a higher power, SURE that we are on a path of righteousness. (Perhaps moments of questioning are even more transcendent.)

 

Why discuss this? Because if our goal is to become the finest possible version of ourselves, this will involve an integration of mind, body, and spirit. Lots and lots of people talk about the body. Fewer speak of the mind and its far-reaching impact on that body. And even fewer consider how the nurturing of our soul can contribute to this whole picture.

 

Spirituality is a personal quest. Look outside yourself for answers,  and you’ve become derailed. Instead, find that quiet place within that will, if you listen without defense and in perfect stillness, speak to you of who you are, where you’ve been, and where you need to go.

 

 Spirituality is infused in those sparkling life moments where you are absolutely untethered, joyously content with who you are, and one with your surroundings.

 I’ve found these moments bodysurfing a wave in the ocean… laughing with childlike abandon… and praying on Yom Kippur, knowing all over the world heads are bowing with me, temples resonating with the ancient prayers and lament of the shofar, and the gates of heaven are opening. Together we pray that our names be inscribed in the book of life. Why? So that we have the opportunity to have more moments. Moments to ride the crest of the wave, one with ourselves, our people, our world, and our higher power.

 

May you ride that wave often and with unrestrained joy as your days unfold!

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QUICK FIXES

 

 “We live in a culture that does not encourage self-discipline.  In our advertisement-drenched society, one is encouraged to purchase answers, not to achieve them.”  Peter Nebergall, Ph.D.

 

 How did people born before now cope with life, sans modern day quick-fixes?  Did they just suffer in silence?  Did they suffer LOUDLY?  Did people have as many aches and pains and, if so, was it just considered part of life?  Me? I’m both intolerant of and alarmed by any little twinge…and quickly seek pharmaceutical refuge.

 

I grew up believing that there’s a solution for all discomforts, I am deserving of respite, and owe it to myself to run out immediately and purchase same!  Comfort and happiness are ours simply by using Mr. Popeil, the local RiteAid, and our new pre-approved Visa card. Gee, ain’t life easy?!

 

But are we any happier for it?  I am so driven to consume, I don’t even open the bags before making an updated shopping list.  I’m  hyper-sensitive to any ache that comes my way, and terrified that the day will come when one of ‘em cant be controlled by a pill.  I’m always on the lookout for the latest life-bettering gadget, and even watch TV commercials to avoid missing something!  And whirling inside the eye of this morass is a little voice that, tho seldom heard, speaks truth…it says… ‘STOP!’.

 

Why do we fall for all this stuff?  Why is the promise of what we COULD have so much more alluring than what we DO have?!  Is a clever TV show better than laughing with  friends?  Will a new kitchen gizmo produce a taste sensation to beat Mom’s apple pie?  Will new exercise equipment be more satisfying than a brisk, early-morning walk?  Will watching talk shows be more soothing to the soul than  prayer?  Will a new outfit make one more likeable, or would that be better accomplished by  being a more peaceful, contented being?

 

We all have these questions, if we’re brave enough to ask ‘em.  And once the questioning is done, what are we all gonna DO about it?

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PYRUS

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‘Our fate, dear Brutus, lies not in our stars – but in our selves’. Shakespeare.

 

I love this quote. Of course, I’m not quite so fond of it when I have screwed up and am busily seeking someone to blame. And, failing that, shaking my fists and railing at the ill-tempered, cantankerous fates that find such obvious joy in toying with my little corner of the world. There is little energy or desire, then, to consider what my contribution to the problem was. Often, in fact, I’m driven to exhaustion proving my case against that irascible wheel of fortune. Sometimes I succeed. I convince not only those around me, but - true victor me – I convince myself as well - that I was but a victim.

 

Hm.

 

Is that really success? ‘Oh, Pyyyyrrhus…..’

 

Remember King Pyrrhus? He was an ancient Greek king who put all he had into fighting each of his battles – and the costs of doing this were so great that, in spite of all his victories, he lost the war.  Oh. And his life.

 

It seems to me that finding a scapegoat – be it another person, the fates, or martyring yourself – so that you don’t need to look within, to sit with the discomfort of your real feelings, is a Pyrrhic victory. The cost far outweighs any gain.

 

I think that true victory, in life, suggests victory over our selves. It is not measured, in the final analysis, by coin, or trophy, or even by how much you were loved, tho that is of great importance as well. I think it is measured by courage. The courage to live by your convictions, and live with who you really are. To turn your soul head-on into the tempest of your flaws, and withstand it’s full impact. Reeling, yes. But still standing. The courage to be, until your last breath, a work in progress. The courage to accept the mantle of authorship for the book of your life and to choose, every moment of every day, what story the lines therein burned will tell, to the rest of eternity.

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MESSES

 

Tennessee Williams wrote a brilliant essay on the evils of creating

messes and expecting someone else to clean ‘em up. He was

referring to physical messes - slopping up hotel rooms, letting the checker

bag all your groceries, leaving your wife or mom to do

the grunt work. He stressed that this thoughtlessness diminished our

'selves' in some core way.

 

What other types of messes do we leave? How about emotional ones?

Each time we hurt a person's feelings and don't make it right, each time our feelings are trampled, emotional mess has been created.  So what do we do about it?

 

Clearly, some situations are easier than others to mop up. We’re quick

to exclaim 'SORRY!' when we step on a toe or inadvertently hang up a phone conversation, because these messes were unintentional. Our own 'stuff' not involved, appologies come easily.  But how bout those times when we’re knowingly hurtful?

 

'Well, the other person hurt me first!' Sound familiar? Does to me. I use this justification. In fact, I have a million of 'em. I excuse myself 'cuz I'm in a bad mood, cuz someone

else was mean to me and I'm taking it out on another…. It's all hooey, tho, isn't it? Because every time we speak, we do so with choice and freedom.

 

Truth is, we're never very comfortable with our own excuses, even when we

rehearse them over and over inside our own heads. They ring hollow.

Because we have known ever since we were little - if you hurt someone's

feelings, say you're sorry. Anything short of that diminishes us.

 

Fact - every sound we make will travel through space for 1000

light years. So next time you are about to produce criticism, or sarcasm, or

harsh tones - next time your words might make another cry -  stop and think…

' Is discordance my chosen legacy to the universe? And if not, how do I

instead produce a melody?' The neat thing is, that if you make it sweet

enough - maybe we will all sing along!

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LAFTER

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EXTRA! EXTRA! LAFF ALL ABOUT IT!!!

 

The evidence is in! It’s been proven conclusively that laughter really IS good medicine!!!

 

If you are like most adults, you are laughing, on average, 2 – 8 times a day, even tho, as a child, you laughed hundreds of times daily! What Happened??? Where did your giggles and guffaws and chuckles and squeals and HA’s go?! And even more important, how do you get ‘em back?

 

Because by cracking up more, your body and mind and spirit will break down less. There is a huge body of scientific study backing this up. Have pain? Laugh. Memory slipping? Laugh. Can’t get over a loss? Laugh! This doesn’t imply disrespect for the problem – on the contrary. It speaks of a zest for life, a determination to suck the marrow from every bone life tosses you.

 

Here’s a quandary. Even if you wanted to give this laughter stuff a try, do you  remember how? How to let totally loose, howling uncontrollably, till you cry out, ‘Stop, stop! My stomach hurts! Don’t make me laff any more!’  Well, Dr. Lori to the rescue. Herewith, find specific belly laugh instructions!

 

A successful  belly laugh can be done alone or in company of others. The purpose here is to look, sound, and feel as silly as possible. If you are in company of others, kindly notice that they look even more ridiculous than you do, and feel free to laugh at them as you go! If alone, a good goal is to try and be SO loud that folks in nearby cars, apartments, and even neighboring city blocks will hear you and wonder what medication you forgot to take!

 

Now. Allow giddiness and hilarity to bubble up from your toes, gathering steam and volume as they course thru your system until exploding out of your mouth! Allow the absurdness of the situation to carry you forth into a rollicking, stomach-stretching, red-faced, quiveringly uncontrolled belly laff!!!

 

And when you’re done, answer this. Don’t you feel even a LITTLE better, physically and mentally, than you did before you started?

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GRANDMA

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I never had a grand parent. This makes me very sad. There was never that soft, warm haven for me to turn to when I was a kid. I never heard those tones of manifest pride declaring, ‘This is MY grand daughter!’. Gee, I wish I had.

 

Did you have a grand parent? ARE you a grand parent? It seems to me, an outsider looking in, to be a magic sort of thing. The fields of inter-generational relationships appear to be cropped with faery dust – how else could they flourish with such purity of intentions, generosity of spirit? As my nose presses closer to the window that looks out on GrandmaLand, I can discern random acts of kindness, motivations of altruism, sparkling eyes reflecting mutual love and admiration. Nowhere to be seen are the demons of criticism, self-absorption, or hurtful pride. I’m longing for this kind of richness and depth in my life.

 

Sadly, in our country, we have established age-segregated barriers. We’ve locked ourselves into little homogeneous age-time capsules, looking neither left, right, up or down. Extended families living together are a thing of the past, as are community-based inter-generational commitments. Like – sticks with like, and the old get put away. And all are withering from the lack of nourishment these bounteous amalgams brilliant at providing.

 

How bout you? Are you just too darn busy to call an older-aged loved one, or too afraid of burdening a younger one? Have you donated any of your free time to a different-aged group? Are you in a battle with a parent, and hindering your children from entering this magic world of grand parenting? Please, please don’t do that. Take it from someone who has spent forty years with their nose pressed to that window. Children and Seniors SHOULD be together. They are a natural. Everything about our history as human beings proves this.

 

And Grandma, I know you cant tell me directly, but I bet when you read this, you will exclaim to the nearest angel with pride, ‘that’s MY granddaughter!’.

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FORGIVENESS

 

I had always assumed that my forgiveness implied two things – first, that I would have to let the offender back into my life, and second, that I now condoned their actions. This would be tolerable in the case of small hurts, like – ‘you forgot to pick me up for the party’. But how about in situations where repeated cruelty was committed? And what if the wrongdoer wasn’t even sorry?

 

Forgiving, then, is the last thing on your mind! No, you want to show this miscreant the err of their ways, demonstrate how much they’ve hurt you, and induce them to make amends, so you can heal! Unfortunately, it’s highly unlikely that you’ll find solace in this power struggle. And every second spent shaking your fist at the past is another moment of the future forfeited to the same person you’re so angry at! There is, however, an alternate route to healing. And just like Dorothy and the red slippers, you’ve had the power all along!

 

Your answer lies in forgiveness.

 

Forgiveness does NOT mean you must ‘make up’. This was a revelation to me. One can surrender their anger, or forgive, and then say… ‘I wish you no harm, but I have learned that your path is not a good one for me, so we separate here’.

 

Research has now demonstrated beyond question that anger diminishes our immune system, and there is a direct path between blame and illness! So even if you DO ever convince that person that they should be sorry, was it really worth the cost? Wouldn’t you be wise to forgive and go about your merry way?  If they dont ever figure out where they went wrong, you have lost nothing, and if they do – its icing on the cake!

 

I offer to you a statement made by Glinda, the good witch of Oz. With a beautific, calm smile, she made a slight sweeping gesture with her wand over the fuming, green faced witch, and said, simply – ‘Be gone - You have no power here.’ Take your power back. Forgive.

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RADIANT LEARNING

 

 Sounds good, but what IS it? Well, first lets look at what it’s not. For a long time, experts thought learning was a linear operation, like the way a simple computer works. This thought leads directly to this thought leads to this… and the product of these links, or connections, is learning.

 

Now we know differently. Now we know that in the brain are bigillions of Dendrites- neurons that resemble a tree with many, many branches. Each of those branches, when stimulated with an electrical charge, ignites MORE dendrites. The possibilities for new pathways of connections are nearly endless. What we can absorb, learn, create, is limitless. We are all geniuses!!!!

 

Better still - the more these dendrites are stimulated, the more they (drumroll, please…) create new brain cells. Yup. New brain cells. By ‘exercising your brain’ as you age, cognitive decline is not a foregone conclusion. Memory does not have to worsen, you can recover from stroke, and you can grow sharper and smarter. Know someone brighter at 80 than they were at 40? How did they do it? Radiant learning guru Mary Kay LeFevour recommends:

 

• Laughter. Yup. Turns out, it’s extraordinarily good medicine, stimulating the brain like crazy.

• Change your daily routine. If you are a left sock – right sock person, switch occasionally to right-left (retain traditional shoe – sock order, however).

• Take up a creative hobby. Start drawing or writing or singing or playing an instrument.

• Watch Jeopardy, read articles, and play games that Challenge you.

• Only work at learning new things for 45-minute chunks, then take a 20-minute break. Naps help you absorb even more!

• Breath. Deeply. Oxygen stimulates brain cell growth.

• Drink water. Lots of it. People learn quicker and retain more when they consume more H2O.

 

These are practical, easy-to-do suggestions. Will you spend the time complaining and bemoaning the loss of your short term memory, or will you use that same time DOING something about it? The choice, as always, is yours….

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Inspirations​

 

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What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?

 

- Author Unknown

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Maturity involves the synthesis of all you've learned. It's the time of the soul, the essence of all you are. Just as adolescence unleashed the mind, childhood the heart, and the birth cycle the body, maturity brings out the soul. It's time to preparing, stop searching - and to start teaching, doing, producing. The rehearsals are over, the show is on.

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- Gabrielle Roth

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Youth is not a time of life, it is a state of mind; it is not a matter of rosy cheeks, red lips and supple knees; it is a matter of the will, a quality of the imagination.

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Nobody grows old merely by a number of years. We grow old by deserting our ideals. Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul.

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You are as young as your faith, as old as your doubt; as young as your self-confidence, as old as your fear; as young as your hopes, as old as your despair.

 

- B. Ullman

 

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The ultimate measure of a person is not where they stand in moments of comfort and convenience, but where they stand in times of challenge and controversy.

 

-Martin Luther King

 

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The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.

 

- Lao-Tzu

 

​Listen to the mustn'ts, child,
listen to the don'ts.
Listen to the shouldn'ts,
the impossibles, the won'ts.
Listen to the never haves,
then listen close to me -
Anything can happen, child,
ANYTHING can be.

 

- Shel Silverstein

 

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Remember: No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

 

- Eleanor Roosevelt

 

When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.

 

- Harriet Beecher Stowe

 

We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.

 

- Victor F. Frankl,
Holocost Survivor

 

There is no shortage of good days. It is good lives that are hard to come by. A life of days lived in the senses is not enough. The life of sensation is the life of greed; it requires more and more. The life of the spirit requires less and less; time is ample and its passage is sweet.

 

- Annie Dillard

 

 

Things we can learn from a dog:

 

Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joy ride.

 

When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.

 

Let others know when they've invaded your territory

 

Take naps and always stretch before rising.

 

Eat with gusto and enthusiasm.

 

Be loyal.

 

If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.

 

When someone is having a bad day, be silent,
sit close by, and nuzzle them gently.

 

Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.

 

Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.

 

- Author Unknown

 

 

 

The trick is what one emphasizes.
We either make ourselves miserable
or we make ourselves strong.
The amount of work is the same...

 

- Carlos Castaneda

 

 

 

The fields were parched and brown,
The crops lay wilting from thirst.
Local ministers called for an hour of PRAYER
on the town square,
asking everyone to bring an object
of FAITH or INSPIRATION.
The townspeople filled the square
with anxious faces
and HOPEFUL HEARTS,
A variety of objects clutched
in prayerful hands -
Holy books... sacred objects...

 

When the hour ended,
as if on magical command,
a SOFT RAIN began to fall.
Cheers swept the crowd
as they held their
treasured objects high
in GRATITUDE AND PRAISE.
One faith symbol seemed
to overshadow all the others:
A 9 year-old child
had brought an
Umbrella.

 

- Laverne W. Hall

 

 

 

What most people don't know is that
There are angels whose only job is
To make sure you don't get too comfy
And fall asleep
And miss your life.

 

- Author Unknown

 

 

 

I am not perfect.
Never have been, never will be.
So I don't always wear the right clothes
and I don't always use the right fork.
My memory sometimes fails me.
I don't look like a fashion model.
I can't always do what people expect of me.
I am a human. I am imperfect.
But there is no one else like me
in the whole wide world.

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